Having returned Sunday from a family camping trip to Letchworth State Park in NY state, I feel renewed and more at peace with a new sense of self.
My new sense of self also seems to have brought out the klutz in me. I just walked my new sense of self into a slamming door and am now nursing a swollen nose and what will likely be a black eye. I also managed to fall on my bike on the last day of our trip causing an injury that no woman should ever have to deal with - I felt like quite the moron. If I were to see a doctor right now am sure they'd think Greg was beating me.
But back to the trip - it did me and us a world of good. Sometimes I think that this whole notion of not escaping your problems is crap. True, it doesn't take them away but it feels damn good to get some space from them sometimes. And there's nothing like fresh country air, marshmallows and Scrabble by a campfire and hikes along one of the most beautiful terrains I've ever seen (the park gorge) to free up some mental space to just 'be'. The park is worth seeing once in your life and if you're a hiker then definitely do the #1 trail along the gorge. Spectacular views and terrain. Lush diverse forest. Almost no other hikers on the trail... which btw, amazed me to see the number of obese people in this park driving up to lookouts in their SUV's and pick-ups. I've never seen the like anywhere in Canada from the Cabot Trail to the Johnston Strait.
My first week back has been eventful. Have had to try and work in the evenings and at intervals during the day since we had no daycare this week. (My job has been ever patient with me.) The one daycare is on vacation and the other, a close friend of mine lost her father over the weekend. She fell into my arms and sobbed when I went to see her Monday, crying is something she seldom does. So I took her kids for the day and made her supper - I know that space and not having to cook were things that help even a little now.
Then headed to Lachute (2hrs north west from here) with Ashiah on Wednesday to the funeral. That ended up being a lot harder than expected.... it brought it all back for me... Zephyr's burial... not to mention we buried her father in the midst of a massive thunder storm, Ashiah tucked in my arms in her raincoat under an umbrella - all of the adults were drenched and it was miserable.
We returned home and to cheer us up a bit I took Ashiah to her friend Stella's house to visit their newborn puppies. I picked one up and as soon as it was in my hands I felt that it was going to die... it was a horrible yet very real feeling. I put him back and told our friends that I didn't think he was doing very well. Sure enough, he died yesterday... it really upset me, I mean what are the odds.... but Greg thinks that I was drawn to him for a reason and that it wasn't by chance. His words were comforting although I'm now afraid to go near babies or pregnant women... not logical but there it is.
On a brighter note, last night, we had dinner outside and as the sky became colorful the trees began to sway as a warm westerly wind blew in and it was as though Zephyr was with me again... just came by to say hi Mom & Dad. And I was filled with calm again.
