Daycare...

It was Ashiah's first official day at day care today. I spent a couple hours there with her last Thursday and Friday and she stayed without me for 2 hrs yesterday which went so well we decided to try it a little longer today. My goal was 4 hrs but it ended up being 6. I was a mess by 2. I called about 4 times. Thankfully Aleksandra, the provider, was very patient and understanding having been unable to find a daycare she liked for her own daughter, she quit her day job at Bell to open up this eco friendly daycare. She's simply lovely and Ashiah is already taken with her, much to my happiness, relief and misery.

First I decided to take advantage of my new found freedom today (Greg's in Washington on business) and go for breakfast. I was fine for the first 20 minutes and then guilt set in. I worried that she was crying and miserable without me, especially for nap time. Then I started to really miss her and disliked this new found freedom. I called and was told she went down in 10 minutes which was a relief. Great, I'll go home and get lots done, moreover I'll run to Rona and pick up some things. Newsflash, it's Quebec's national holiday today so it was closed. No problem, lots to do at home. Here I go....whaaaa. I lost it. I was sobbing. I had to call someone but since I felt like a loser I called Greg's voice mail and sobbed on it. He called me back an hour later when he was out of his meeting to console me and tell me I was normal and that he loved me and although I had stopped crying for a whole half hour I started crying again. But I got lots done. I cried as I weeded my garden, I cried as I did the laundry and I cried as I took out the recycling. I later called to check in for the 900th time and could hear Ashiah in Aleksandra's arms babbling happily and although this made me smile, I hung up and cried again. My baby is happy with another woman, whaaaaa.

Good grief.

But when I picked her up she was all smiles to see me, I got lots of hugs and cuddles and after a quick nursing she wanted to go back and play. So all in all I'm thankful that it's going so well especially since I've given myself all of July to integrate her and am only scheduled to work 2 days until August. Great, now I have a whole month to cry it out so I don't end up a blubbering fool at work. It is only for 3 days a week but they're going to feel like weeks with all I get done without my baby around. I realized just how much of my time she truly takes and just how productive I can be again.

But I wouldn't trade this time with her for years of productive days.

Lovey dovey and gouey

So yesterday was the big day. I taught my course and no one heckled me, I didn't faint or even fumble. I actually got mostly 5's (out of 5) on the evaluations, even in "knowledgeable in subject matter". hehe

Basically 2 nights before the course my boss suggested I speak with an associate instructor who's been teaching the same course for 13 years. She thought he might be able to give me some 'helpful hints'. I don't think he's familiar with those words. He opened the conversation with "well if you had any fears about teaching this course I'm here to confirm them all". And it went on and on from there. By the end of it I was very discouraged, hung up and burst into tears.

Thankfully, I have a very understanding and supportive partner who gave me a hug, dropped his own work and helped me prepare. He not only served as my guinea pig student but he also spruced up my power point for me. Now this friends is the true definition of love. Never mind all the lovey dovey gouey stuff (although that's lovely too) but when push comes to shove, the one you love is there - a true partner in life. I feel that I couldn't have done it without him. Am now back in the professional saddle and thanks to my Greg I found the courage to deliver a very solid presentation despite it obviously being too compressed which the students agreed with.

Ironically, I used my negative experience with my colleague as an example in the course to illustrate how not to act in a team. Of course I didn't mention that it was 'their' particular course he was talking about. So really, I should thank him for having given me an illustration of how not to be a prick.

Meanwhile, back at the homestead, I've de-stressed, am back to gardening and Greg's currently mowing down on some homemade sheppard's pie I cooked up last night while Ashiah tries drawing for the first time. And life is good.