Daycare...

It was Ashiah's first official day at day care today. I spent a couple hours there with her last Thursday and Friday and she stayed without me for 2 hrs yesterday which went so well we decided to try it a little longer today. My goal was 4 hrs but it ended up being 6. I was a mess by 2. I called about 4 times. Thankfully Aleksandra, the provider, was very patient and understanding having been unable to find a daycare she liked for her own daughter, she quit her day job at Bell to open up this eco friendly daycare. She's simply lovely and Ashiah is already taken with her, much to my happiness, relief and misery.

First I decided to take advantage of my new found freedom today (Greg's in Washington on business) and go for breakfast. I was fine for the first 20 minutes and then guilt set in. I worried that she was crying and miserable without me, especially for nap time. Then I started to really miss her and disliked this new found freedom. I called and was told she went down in 10 minutes which was a relief. Great, I'll go home and get lots done, moreover I'll run to Rona and pick up some things. Newsflash, it's Quebec's national holiday today so it was closed. No problem, lots to do at home. Here I go....whaaaa. I lost it. I was sobbing. I had to call someone but since I felt like a loser I called Greg's voice mail and sobbed on it. He called me back an hour later when he was out of his meeting to console me and tell me I was normal and that he loved me and although I had stopped crying for a whole half hour I started crying again. But I got lots done. I cried as I weeded my garden, I cried as I did the laundry and I cried as I took out the recycling. I later called to check in for the 900th time and could hear Ashiah in Aleksandra's arms babbling happily and although this made me smile, I hung up and cried again. My baby is happy with another woman, whaaaaa.

Good grief.

But when I picked her up she was all smiles to see me, I got lots of hugs and cuddles and after a quick nursing she wanted to go back and play. So all in all I'm thankful that it's going so well especially since I've given myself all of July to integrate her and am only scheduled to work 2 days until August. Great, now I have a whole month to cry it out so I don't end up a blubbering fool at work. It is only for 3 days a week but they're going to feel like weeks with all I get done without my baby around. I realized just how much of my time she truly takes and just how productive I can be again.

But I wouldn't trade this time with her for years of productive days.