Fast forward to the year 2004, after several failed relationships and many twists and turns, she felt she could no longer cope with this new world she'd propelled herself into. No stranger to leaving it all behind, she simply woke up one day and drove clear across the country, armed with a plan to end it all, far away from anyone she cared about so as not to hurt them. She found herself in Banff, Alberta and here she thought, would be the end of her life's journey. As she settled down on an embankment by the Bow River after having hiked a long way through the woods, she held the formula to end her pain in one hand and stared aimlessly out to the river, tears streaming down her face, filled with an emptiness that to this day is inexplicable. Just then, she heard a rustling at the top of the muddy embankment behind her. She looked about a meter up into a bright evening sun and there she saw the imposing silhouette of an elk with antlers like the branches of a naked maple tree, majestically standing there looking down upon her. He was much taller than she in height and could have easily trampled her but instead, he just stood there, watching over her in silence. And as she looked back at him, an inner calm washed over her and it was as though someone had waved a magic wand as her eyes opened up to the overwhelming beauty surrounding her. Suddenly she could hear the water flow past her, feel the wind rustling through the forest framed by magnificent blue mountains and the smells... the air smelled spectacular. She was soon distracted by family of elks across the river who were watering their young, unafraid of her presence and as she looked up again she saw that the great elk was gone. And it was in that moment that she knew that life was too beautiful to throw away and that there was much left to experience, to learn, to give and to live.
That day, she made a decision to change the way she experienced this great gift we call life. She knew that whatever happened, she would never go back to a dark place again and that somehow, she would embrace the new path she had chosen and make decisions that would guide her towards a life filled with laughter, purpose and perhaps even love. She would no longer just let things happen to her but rather she would make them happen, choosing people along the way from whom she could learn and with whom she could share the gifts that nature bestowed upon her.
May 18, 2011 marked the 38th anniversary of her birth, 15 years after her decision to step into a new world and 7 years after that fateful day in Banff. She had lunch with an old dear friend and felt comforted by his words of wisdom and kind face as they ate overlooking the Rideau Canal. She spent the rest of the day in reflection as she put behind her a tough 37th year that marked several struggles but more importantly physical and emotional hurdles due to the loss of a baby boy that she misses every day...
The evening she spent celebrating with the very special man with whom she now shares her life and the father of the best gift life has ever bestowed upon her - her amazing daughter Ashiah. She returned home after a delectable meal and a fun filled walk, stopping off to listen to some impromptu jazz and to say hello to a good friend. Feeling most content, she readied herself to fall asleep but her beloved had a surprise for her. He filled the room with candle light and proceeded to hand her a beautifully carved, 100 year old wooden box and said to open it's drawers. As she opened the third drawer, she saw that it was filled with several sheets of what looked like letters on old yellow parchment. He then instructed her to read one page at a time and left the room.
It was then, at midnight on her 38th birthday, that Samantha began to read 36 letters by candle light that would once again, impact her in a life-changing way. The first letter was addressed to her from 'we' and introduced the 36 individual letters that would follow from friends and family that wrote how she had somehow touched their lives and why she was loved by them. Samantha sat until early morning, both laughing and crying as she read incredible heartfelt words that have left their indelible mark on her heart forever; reminding her of why life truly is beautiful and how fortunate she is to have not but a handful, but several hands full of wonderful, caring, inspiring, beautiful, amazing people in her life.
Thank you for having started this 38th year of my life on a most exquisite note and thank you for giving me the privilege of being in your life and for sharing your gifts with me.
And thank you to my amazingly loving, passionate, accepting life partner Greg for reminding me every day that life truly is beautiful.
1 comment:
It is not you who is fortunate for having so many caring people around you, but each of us for having the pleasure of being a small part of such a wonderful woman... and for that we thank you Sam!
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